Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
