If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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