I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
