I wish I could punch you in the face.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
