shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
