Im at strip club and am horny
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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