Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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