stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my liver is dry heaving
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
