I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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