There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
