where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
