ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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