Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I could fuck to npr.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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