she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
