i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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