then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
