dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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