i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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