Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
