My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
