Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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