If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
