hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
