First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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