God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got inside last night via doggy door
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
