dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
