he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
