Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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