I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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