Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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