There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
