So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
