We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
