I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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