Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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