can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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