Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
