he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
