i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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