it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
