I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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