Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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