Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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