you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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