If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
