what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
