Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
