Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
