Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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