Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
