i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
