i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
