new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
