why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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