I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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