Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
