I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
