I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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