Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
