I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
