I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
