Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This baby is an asshole
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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