what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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