everyone is single if you try hard enough
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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