The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i think i just lost a toe
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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