there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
