That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
