I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
