Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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