be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
