Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
