im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
