Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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