NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
