just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
