dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
