Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
