i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
