so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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