Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
