if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
