A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
